After I posted your email to me last Sunday, it was brought to my attention that I am in fact Jewish and therefore am not required to take off Sundays to beg for your mercy, a date or the or even the early demise of my ex mother in law. .
I would like to thank all my gentile friends who were kind enough to point out to me, Ms. Jewy Jewstein-man-berg-owitz, that Saturday is "my" day, not Sunday and since you didn't mention anything about writing on the Jewish sabbath, I take it that you are okay with it.
Dear Ms. Bern:
The reason I said Sunday and not Saturday is that you are about as Jewish as a pork chop and since the majority of people in your life are of the Christian faith, why not just toss you in for good measure. That being said, it is clear to me that you do not work well with authority and will ultimately say and do whatever you please. As a result, I will ask that the next time you want a Tahari jacket at 95% off the retail value or anything else for that matter, you will refrain from asking me for help.
Allow me to offer my apology. I have given it some thought and realized you are right. Sunday is a day for rest and time to commune with you and from this day forward I promise to observe the sabbath along with all my christian brethren. I do have trouble with authority and I"m hoping that over time, with your help, I can figure out why and go on to live a life of harmony.
Now, about that Tahari jacket....