Perhaps, I Should Have Thought This One Out....

I called Visa the other day. When the operator first picked up, I tried explaining to him that there was no way I owed nearly as much as they claimed I did.  Within a couple of minutes, I got so frustrated, I  hopped right up on my high hippity horse and insisted on speaking with his supervisor because clearly this guy could not add to save his life, I don't care if he was using a calculator.

As per my request, the supervisor came on the line.  He suggested that in an effort to help me sort things out and to help me understand why it is I clearly cannot control myself owed what they said I did, we go through all the charges made to the card over the last two months. "Fine", I said, with the attitude of someone who has no clue that she is about to be humiliated.

After listing off the general, gas station, restaurant, miscellaneous charges, suddenly Mr. Supervisor man paused and I swear I HEARD the smile form on his face, whereupon he informed me:

VISA SUPERVISOR: Let's see, it says here that you went to see..um, ah, I'm sorry, I can't pronounce his name, looks like it's a therapy office or perhaps a therapist....

"Oh no," I thought, "oh no, no, no". You see, I had clearly forgotten that I put all my therapy sessions on my credit card which is why I owed as much as I did. However it was now too late as, at this point, the manager had moved on to COUNTING HOW MANY times I'd actually been there.

VISA SUPERVISOR: You've got one, two, three, four, five....

With my face now completely flushed, my hippity horse, no longer so "hippity", I just sat there while he then went on to tell me:

VISA SUPERVISOR: I see seven visits to this particular entity. Then you've got $39.95 to Match.com, a charge of $30.00 to Fitness Singles.com, TIVO and there are a bunch of charges to a Horton and Converse pharmacy (which were for my anti-depressants but of course they didn't know that) 

So, naturally, by now, I'm picturing everyone in the customer service center gathering around to listen to what this obnoxious, mentally unstable, diseased, single woman with Tivo had to say for herself and the only response I could come up with was:

JESSICA:  Okay, my bad. Have a nice day. Bye, bye.

whereupon I proceeded to hang up.  Brilliant save, I know.

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__________________________________________________________________

FYI- I posted a totally incomplete post right before this. If you get it, please ignore it. No comments necessary. It was a total accident.

A final call for all remaining addresses from the winners of the "How to Traumatize My Children" Book. I've got seven, which means I'm missing three.

Comments

[stoneskin]

I hate it when my my hippity horse stops hippiting.

[Beck]

Did you go to Tulane?

[hokgardner]

At least you'll never have to meet this person face to face.

[Carolee]

I agree with hokgardner- the guy is probably in another state and doesn't know you from beans.

I love that you can take any situation & throw in a bit of humor. At least you'll laugh about it someday!

[Michel]

Damn visa!!! I always get caught by my husband who likes to point that I went to Coldstone Creamery 10 times last month. WHY THE HELL DON'T I CARRY CASH!?

[Jeanne]

This so sounds like something I'd do. I once spent 3 minutes ranting at an umpire over a bad call (the player has to have control of the ball, it's not enough to just tag the base while bobbling the ball in her glove) while all my players and parents from both sides watched in silent astonishment, only to realize I'd misheard and he'd called my player safe.

Oops. My bad.

At least your audience couldn't actually SEE you.

[michelle]

Your hilarious. You could also be me, and I could be you!!

Wanna get back on the hippity horse? I sure do!!!

[Erin]

I'm sure there are worse thing that people charge. Your fine.

[prefers her fantasy life]

LOL. This is the kind of situation where a supervisor in a call center in India would be welcome thing.

[Beth]

What?! No sex shop charges? No dial a porn?

Then you have nothing to be ashamed of here.

[Kristina]

Only seven sessions? Hmmmm, apparently I'm more crazy than you. I went to at least 10.

[Mary @ Holy Mackerel]

Oh no no no. That is a horror story I'm just waiting to happen to me...

Poor you. I hope you had a stiff drink after that so that you could forget about it.

[The Dental Maven]

I would have said, "Ohhhh yes, my PHYSICAL THERAPIST! Yes, I forgot I was getting PHYSICAL therapy for my arm after punching that man who looked at me wrong on the subway. Thanks for clearing that up for me."

[blognut]

NEVER charge your therapy bill. NEVER.

Just sayin'. Pay cash, use no insurance, and then there's no paper trail that anyone can use to haunt you!

[Ann's Rants]

You should've just apologized for Jessica and kindly signed off with your alterego...whatever her name is.

[K]

I"m sure they see weirder stuff than that all the time.

At least you weren't buying massive quanities of porn and memberships to shady websites.

[Holly]

What? They didn't mention the Male Escort charge? You got totally lucky!!! ;)

[the mama bird diaries]

Once you have to resort to "my bad", you know the other side has declared victory.

[Jennifer H]

I can't tell you how many times I've been bucked off my high horse.

But the phrase "my bad" was invented for this kind of situation, the one that requires a quick exit.

[Melissa]

Crap. Now you are going to have to charge another visit to the therapist.

[Jennifer Mims]

Hey Jessica!
Well at least only Visa knows you see a shrink!!! If it had been Diners Club, you could have always said you just took your therapist out to lunch!! Don't know much about American Express though. I just know Masters Card and Visa right now. All of the others either know or suspect that I'm CRAZY anyway, so for me there's no hope!!
Seriously,
Love YOU!!
Jen

[The Lawyer Mom]

You've got to watch those credit card bankster types. They'll lower your credit limit and raise your interest rate if they catch you going to a marriage counselor or tire re-tread store. Maybe best to stay under the radar for a while?

[Alison Veres]

I hope that your therapist is giving you your money's worth.
I see a therapist once every two weeks and pay in cash. I adore my therapist. I wish I could go every day. I don't know if it makes me weird or what, but I love being in therapy. I think every one should do it.

[heartatpreschool (Kari)]

Well, at least the call wasn't over Skype...

[Busy Bee Suz]

A true lesson in humility!!!!