We are still in the Federal Building in Los Angeles
I have now finished my business with the people in the passport renewal office. On my way out, I notice a billboard with posters of the FBI’s most wanted tacked to it.
I stop to read them. About thirty feet away is the officer from the screening area, the same officer who didn’t laugh at my dead body joke, a joke that now seems to me to be quite funny being that some time has passed and the threat of incarceration has pretty much evaporated.
Still, to be sure, I found myself standing there, with my arms crossed and a look of pure innocence on my face, to the point where you’d have thought I was shopping for baby clothes. As I was reading, I saw this one “wanted” guy who was also cute, had a masters degree and spoke fluent French. That fact that he had murdered two people and bilked several out of their life savings didn’t bother so much as to know that he wasn’t available for dating.
You know that feeling you get when you see a really good looking guy and he turns out to be gay, you know how your heart sinks and all you can think at that moment is, “Why God? Why?” That was the feeling I had standing there and then if that weren’t bad enough, I saw another guy, very similar in cuteness and although he didn’t have a master’s degree, he was Jewish and hadn’t murdered anyone which I thought made him a better catch anyway until again I realized I was staring at posters of men
F B I had put in the same category as Osama Bin Laden.
At this point, I’m pretty sure no one was paying me any mind but just to allay any suspicion that I was consorting with the criminal element, I stopped to look at the posters of missing kids. Of course, I felt terrible but I will admit that perhaps I could have uttered a 1000 few less “oh’s” and “that’s so horrible”s and looking back I’m positive that I didn’t need to look at the officer with no sense of humor and shake my head back and forth so many times I could have successfully pleaded insanity had they changed their minds and arrested me.
Speaking of which, perhaps this would be a good time to check in with my therapist