The hilarious Kelcey from mamabirddiaries.com and myself have decided to come clean with everyone and admit once and for all that our husbands were NOT the first men we ever slept with. Nor was mine the second, third, fourth.... I think you get the idea. Anyway, below is Kelcey's "truth" about her past and you can find mine over at her place http://mamabirddiaries.com
Wine Coolers Are For Virgins by Kelcey
So I just ran into the guy I lost my virginity to. I wouldn't call him my ex-boyfriend exactly. More like this older guy who was so damn cute that I decided to skip a summer trip to Australia after high school graduation so that I could wait by the phone for him to call.
I really tried to make this guy my boyfriend. But it never worked. He just wanted to "date." He was disagreeable like that.
But he did own a rad Jeep Wrangler. So obviously, it was destiny.
On the night of my deflowering, I had a few wine coolers because nothing makes magic like the tingle of raspberry fizz.
As far as the sex, mostly, I just remember the soundtrack. Cat Stevens and Pink Floyd were very gentle with me.
About a year and a half later, I had my first real love. A proper boyfriend where I could actually leave my house sometimes, instead of sitting vigil by the phone.
So my dad came to visit me at college and sat me down for a talk.
"Honey, I think it's great that you have found a serious boyfriend. And I'm sure you two will at some point consider making love—," he began.
"Uh dad. I'm not a virgin. I lost my virginity quite a while ago." I interrupted.
"Ok then. Our dinner reservation is at 8. We should get on our way."
And now, many years later, I spot my virginity guy, standing at the corner of Hudson and Perry in Manhattan. He's 40, with less hair, but that still-irresistible grin.
And a 20-something blond girlfriend.
I mean, what a loser. Having to date young gals with awesome bodies and he only has 40 more years to have children?! I don't know how he gets through the day with his biological clock blaring in his ears.
So he gave me a quick lowdown on his career. Hey, guy who I gave my virginity to, I own a computer. Already googled you - like 215 times. Completely know what you're doing. I point to my husband and two children who are about a block ahead, as proof that he's not the last person I had sex with.
We trade information and he remarks in an email…
"Still cute as ever, Kelcey"
Hey, hubby! My virginity guy still thinks I'm cute. High five! Victory!!
But crap, I still haven't been to Australia.
That was a great damn post. that bastard.
Posted by: vodkamom | January 15, 2009 at 04:20 AM
I had a conversation with "that guy" recently.
For some reason, our little reunion totally died after I told him I was married with a kid.
Posted by: K | January 15, 2009 at 04:46 AM
If he had a Jeep, it was totally worth skipping the Australia trip for. Glad to see he's still dating the younger girls.
Posted by: Casey | January 15, 2009 at 04:53 AM
This was great!
Posted by: Kylie | January 15, 2009 at 05:07 AM
Nice read. Yeah, high five that he still thinks you're hot! Why not? LOL!
Posted by: Akilah Sakai | January 15, 2009 at 05:57 AM
First of all, wine coolers were made by the devil to make high school girls do stupid things.
Secondly, Jessica- my first, uh..."boyfriend" gave me a note (A NOTE!!!) telling me that he was still in love with one of my best friends and would rather "date" her instead. Ugh. I can so relate.
Posted by: Jen W | January 15, 2009 at 05:58 AM
i never understood why young girls are willing to torture themselves, waiting around for dumb young guys to call them? and why do some girls seem even more attracted to the guys who treat them the worst? as one who always tried to be a "good guy," i remember hating the jerks who gave all us guys a bad name. and by the way kelcey, you've never looked hotter than you do right now. love, your husband
Posted by: rick | January 15, 2009 at 06:28 AM
Bet he still has the same Jeep Wrangler! Loser!!!
Posted by: Belle Bamford | January 15, 2009 at 06:28 AM
Oh gawd, I hope I never happen to encounter my first again. What a mistake. A stupid, clumsy, wine-cooler-fueled mistake....
Glad your reunion went so well! I'd be riding that "still cute as ever" high for the next year! Woo hoo!
Posted by: Rachel | January 15, 2009 at 06:57 AM
High five... I'm still laughing my butt off at this post! It's hysterical! Thanks for the great read this morning!
Posted by: Krissi | January 15, 2009 at 07:09 AM
I love the suckiness of his current life with younger girlfriends and unlimited time to procreate. What a loser.
Posted by: Kate Coveny Hood | January 15, 2009 at 07:31 AM
Aagh! He may have a younger girlfriend but is he happy I ask?
Posted by: Heather | January 15, 2009 at 07:56 AM
Very funny. And yep, wine coolers are from the devil.
Posted by: wa | January 15, 2009 at 08:33 AM
I thank god that my virginity guy and I now live many states apart. I would hate to run into him on the street and say "remember those beautiful 30 seconds we spent together???"
Posted by: Domestic Goddess (In Training) | January 15, 2009 at 08:39 AM
You're lucky. I married my high school sweetheart and the guy I lost my virginity too. You know, the guy who cheated on me twice during high school but always "came back to the one he truly loved"? Yeah. Beleive it when they say, "once a cheater, always a cheater."
Posted by: Giggle Pixie | January 15, 2009 at 08:54 AM
Okay, first...I love your blog!
Second...this post totally rocked my day today, you don't know how bad I needed to smile!!
Posted by: Punchy | January 15, 2009 at 09:04 AM
Ah yes, I remember that guy...
Posted by: Daphne | January 15, 2009 at 09:22 AM
This was really funny. Made me think of my own version of "that guy" who is now a mall cop! I'm so glad he got away!
Posted by: Blognut | January 15, 2009 at 09:39 AM
Still dating the young ones? Gee, how studly! Obviously a man desperate for affirmation with a fear of commitment...
Dad sounds way cool, though.
Posted by: HeatherPride | January 15, 2009 at 09:52 AM
I can't believe he lives here!
Posted by: Julia | January 15, 2009 at 09:54 AM
Great story.
Virginity ... yeah, there is a controversy surrounding mine. Cause I was stupid and naive and anxious to loose it that I told entirely too many girlfriends conflicting stories about who was the virgin buster. To be fair, I honestly DIDN'T know until it happened. I mean there were attempts before - but as I never discussed this with the virgin busters before I can only conclude that once they realized that I was very much intact - gave up and didn't mention or talk to me again. So when it finally happened, I KNEW it happened. That was prom night, ahhh how romantic....in the back seat of a Lincoln Continental ... YEP thats romance at it's finest!
Posted by: Melissa from Pittsburgh | January 15, 2009 at 10:47 AM
Love this. And Jessica's.
I still exchange Christmas cards with my first one...
Posted by: magpie | January 15, 2009 at 10:48 AM
High five on being cute!
Your husband is totally adorable in his comments and now I have to go over and check out your blog ... Jessica is adorable so no doubt you are too, the cute girls always hang out. (oh, how high school...all this talk is taking me back!)
Posted by: Melissa from Pittsburgh | January 15, 2009 at 10:52 AM
loved it. you MUST get to australia, it is amazing. get FOX news to send you guys !!! you and murdoch and bondi beach
Posted by: feener | January 15, 2009 at 10:54 AM
i really preferred the peach coolers, much more yummy! and god, i don't think my virginity-losing experience is fit to print but i will say that jeep wrangler guy is a total loser and didn't appreciate what he had in you! his loss, rick's gain! we've all had our fair share of those guys but luckily they help us appreciate the nice ones when they come along. oh and do get to australia, it's flip flop heaven!!
Posted by: Sam | January 15, 2009 at 11:29 AM