Worst "line" I've ever heard

Nothing makes me more insane than when someone says to me

"Don't take this the wrong way "but'....."

Trust me when I tell you that those words will NOT be followed by:

"I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever met."

You will never hear, "Don't take this wrong way BUT, I would literally kill myself to be you. No, really."

If someone calls and tells you this, believe me when I say the next ten seconds of your life are guaranteed to SUCK because what you're about to hear is going to mess with  your self esteem so badly if you're not already taking medication, you're probably going to want to start.

The worst part is that the person who says this to you is often shocked when  you respond with a "What?!!!" . It's as if they were waiting for something along the lines of , "You know, you're right. My choice to be a mother really was pretty stupid, huh?"

On top of that THEY get offended that YOU'RE offended and the next thing you know, you're the one who feels like the idiot and then there you are saying things like:

"No, it's okay, you're right.  I'm a much better swimmer than a mother. It's true."  

Often times, I'll be told, " I didn't mean it in a BAD way",  to which I can only think,

"Ah, yeah, you did."  but am usually too stunned to really say anything at all. 

Over at http://www.waitresswheresmymartini.blogspot.com is post about how her own son had to deal with a fellow classmate making fun of him in front of whole group of people.   It reminded me of what  a horrible experience I had in junior high, something which led me down a horrible path and from where I developed my sense of humor as it was the only "weapon" I had.

Just the other day, one of the girls who was especially cruel to me, wrote me on Facebook, asking to "be my friend." This from a person who thirty years ago, was gracious enough to show me that my head was too wide to fit into my locker and yet my initial instinct was, "of course, yeah, sure, whatever you want" Just seeing her name shook me to my core and in a nanosecond I was thirteen all over again. My breathing got shallow, I think I was even shaking a bit. Finally, after way too long the 43 year old me took the 13 year old me and said:

43 YEAR OLD ME:   For the love of God,  school isn't just out for Summer anymore babe. Move on!" Come Monday morning, you've got your pap smear, not Organic Chemistry!

and the next thing I know, I hit the "ignore" button and I swear I was giddy.  Apparently, the 13 year old in me decided to do a little dance even though the 43 year old me, was yelling,

43 YEAR OLD ME: "Can't you at least take off your heels, You're going to scratch the floors." 

Vodka mom, I can only tell you that being there for your son, listening, holding him in your arms, is exactly the salve he needs to heal his wounds.  I know you wish you could take his pain away or at the very least kick Laura's ass but as we know, that would be....uh....oh God, what is the word... that would be uh...argh!, I can't believe...oh yeah, ILLEGAL. So for now and probably for a long time to come, your love will just have to do and frankly, I think that'll be plenty.

Comments

[Jessica]

I really hate that comment, blah blah blah, BUT.....we had to teach 11 year old not to use this. We had to explain that whatever he had to say that used a disclaimer wasn't appropriate, allowed, or necessary for him to speak. And kids can be so cruel. I was worried you were going to say you accepted her as a friend - yea for ignore. Seriously. She probably never learned her lesson if her friendship request didn't come with a preface of "I'm sorry about that time....".

[the mama bird diaries]

I hate kid cruelty. I've noticed that even 4 year-olds are mean to each other sometimes, leaving out one girl while the others play together. It sucks.

I'm glad you blew off your Facebook mean girl.

[apathy lounge]

Vodkamom's post made me want to call out a mob and send out for pitchforks and burning torches. My most vivid memory of junior high was wearing my new dress to the ONLY middle school dance I would attend. Come to think of it, I didn't attend any high school dances either. Anyway, a really popular 9th grader "crashed" our event and asked me to dance. And then stopped to ask someone who I was and--I suppose--if I was popular. When he ascertained that I was not a rock star, he abandoned me on the dance floor. Yeah...good time. The bastard is now a fundamentalist Christian who probably has already forgiven himself for forgetting about how he acted like an ass.

[Akilah Sakai]

"Come Monday morning, you've got your pap smear, not Organic Chemistry!"
*

Um, gotta say something cool ... pressure ... I'll raise a speculum to that one, Jessica! You're hysterical!

[Deb]

Jessica,

Good for you for hitting ignore. I just had that happen to me recently, and instead of being brave like you, I was a dumbass and agreed to it. I hate that I did that.

Oh, and I hate that "don't take this the wrong way" shit too.

[Ann's Rants]

Same with no offense and just kidding. Basically if you need to follow it up with a disclaimer (or an emoticon) just don't say it.

I accepted a friend request from my childhood frenemy and she never wrote two words. So I broke up with facebook, once again allowing her to dominate me. Don't you feel healthy now??

[blognut]

VM's story broke my heart the other day, and you just put it all back in order with your big, old IGNORE button. I recently got to ignore someone on facebook too, for much the same reason you did and it felt AWESOME!

And Hey! Quit drinking my Diet Pepsi. I don't go around drinking your Diet Coke. If you don't like it, don't waste it! I NEED that stuff. :-)

[MommyTime]

I love your shout out in response to that heart-breaking post of the other day. Mean people are terrible at any age, but the cruelty of children knows no bounds. Good for you for sticking up for yourself now!

(btw, bling for you at my place -- sorry I can't leave permalink; typepad won't let me)

[Rachel]

Just as bad as the "Don't take this the wrong way, but..." is the "Can I ask you a personal question?". If you have to ASK if you can ASK, then you shouldn't. So don't.

HATE THAT!

[Kristina]

I don't understand these people who send these Friend requests! It's like they really are trying to get their stats up. I would have done the same thing.

[Joanie]

I think we all have at least one cruel story to tell from our childhood.
Good for you for hitting ignore!

[bex]

Waiiiiit... that doesn't say 43, does it? There's no way you're 43. I think maybe I've just had a very long day and that says 34, which seems more appropriate.

[[email protected]]

Love has to do, and it is plenty, but God those middle school and high school stuff can still hurt. Stupid I know, but there it is anyway. It's definitely the double edge of Facebook.

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

I just *broke up* with 10 people that friended me on Facebook and then didn't say two words to me. I don't have time for that!

I'm afraid that school yard bullies have gotten much worse since we were students. My sons first experience with a bully was when he was 1 year old! I hate that I already had to explain that some people are stupid.

By the way, your hair looks GREAT today!

[Braja]

Well said. I cried when I read VM's post.

[Lilacspecs]

Kids are evil. Especially the ones with hormones. EVIL!
I'll go read that other post. I'm curious now.

[Jennifer H]

I'm glad you clicked Ignore.

VodkaMom's story broke my heart, too. There's a boy at school who bullies my son, and it's so hard to hear, and to see the tears well up.

It costs nothing to be kind, and I wish it came easier to some people, old or young.

[stoneskin]

Don't take this the wrong way but...I think you did the right thing.

[vodkamom]

My heart is healing because of all the incredible support and comments that have been pouring in. I wish I had a wand that could take it all away- but in my heart I KNOW these moments will make him the man he is meant to be. I can't shield him- I can only hold him.

xoxox you're incredible, Jessica.

[vodkamom]

oh, and I'm OFF to my pap smear.......

(most excellent line ever........)

[Kate Coveny Hood]

Sometimes I wonder if kids are just a raw version of adults when it comes to cruelty. Why is it always the "go to" reaction? I find survival of the fittest exhausting. I guess a sense of humor is the answer. Along with that thicker skin that comes in so handy when your manipulative boss is playing obvious mind games with you. Wait - what were we talking about again?

I'm sorry that anyone ever even implied that you shouldn't be a mother. That is quite possibly the worst thing that I can imagine hearing. And I know it's not true in your case!

[melissaz]

I get the same giddy feeling when I hit ignore, too. Am glad to know I'm not the only petty one out there. :)

And kids? Can be sooooo bad. I swear it's gotten worse, too. But most of the time I see the parents and think, "Oh yeah, that's why your kid is a monster, you are a BITCH!" Acorns being what they are and all...:)

[Jannie Funster]

What someone implied you shouldn't be a mother? That's just wrong.

And your head looks mighty pretty to me.

[Lynn]

Great post. I'm just waiting for the next person to say, "Don't take this..." so that I can tell 'em to shove it before they even finish.

VM's post hit me hard, too. It's amazing how long those old wounds last.

[Casey]

I haven't seen VM's post but I've seen how cruel kids can be and it's terrible. I've been bullied and been a bully in my years and the latter just makes me flat out ashamed.

Don't take this the wrong way but I loved this post. Heh. ;)